Notes

There are two common ways to unclog a drain.

Option 1. Use a snake.
Option 2. Pour in a bottle of Drano.

Both will achieve the desired result. The difference is that while snaking the drain may require more effort, it will expose whatever is causing the blockage.

The quick and easy solution is always tempting, but when you haven't addressed the source of the issue, there's no guarantee it'll stick.

A friend once shared a tip from a dietitian he worked with as a child. They said: don't take another bite until you've finished chewing the last.

Overeating is often associated with eating too fast. Our body can't keep up to let us know we're feeling full.

Ever bite off more than you can chew?

Work and food are the same. There's a certain amount we need to stay energized. When we discover what we enjoy, we crave it. We want more. And more. And more. Until suddenly, we've had too much. Then, the reverse happens, we get tired, sick, unmotivated. We want nothing to do with the work or food that once brought us joy.

Slow down. Experience every moment before taking another bite.

It's been about 14 months since I posted this tweet. I remember writing it just after finishing my routine Saturday workout. Little did I know, I'd start working out at home, in my bare feet, a week later.

I haven't worked out with shoes on since.

We can’t always control changes to our environment.

We can always control how we respond to them.

This evening, Dana and I met up with our friend Andres for dinner at a semi-new pasta joint in our neighborhood. We hadn't seen Andres for over a year.

Despite the increasingly frigid air, we decided to round out our meal with ice cream. It seemed like everyone around us was ordering it, so we joined in. As we took our final spoonfuls, an older man appeared at our table. He announced: "Come see the moon when you finish! I'm right over there." He pointed across the street. We smiled. He nodded, then continued his message down the other tables lining the sidewalk.

I'll admit, my first thoughts were I am freezing, I want to go home and be warm, why is this guy talking to us? Dana, on the other hand, was curious. Her thoughts? "He's a nice man. We should go."

While we waited for the check, we assessed the situation. Across the street was a serious-looking telescope. We watched as the man brought over a waitress, then a couple, then another couple. Maybe there was something to see?

After paying the bill, Dana, Andres, and I stood up from the table, looked at each other over our face masks, and together, declared: "Let's go see what's going on."

The telescope operator's name was Joe. When we walked over, he was chatting with a local couple who, like Joe, lives nearby. He sets his telescope up in spots throughout the neighborhood from time to time and likes to share the experience with others.

Dana, Andres, and I each took turns looking at the moon. With the city sky remarkably clear tonight, the view was incredible. To quote the guy who had a look before me, "It's like I'm staring at the set of Star Wars, except it's real." As I gazed upon the moon's craters, I immediately understood why Joe was out on the street. Seeing the moon with this level of detail is not an experience you want to keep to yourself.

We briefly chatted with Joe and found out that he was collecting emails to let any locals know when he'd be out again. Well, yeah - I wanted to know! I "joined his mailing list" via pen and scrap paper.

It's times like these that remind me why you can't always trust your gut. I'm glad I have Dana to make me think twice sometimes, so I don't miss out on the joy of little moments like tonight.

Cheers to Joe, the moon guy, and the characters of Park Slope.

It only takes a moment to win.

It's the second that your first to cross the finish line. It's the second that you find out you lifted the most weight. It's the second that a client accepts your proposal.

It takes days, months, years to practice.

It's all the work that came before you approach the finish line, pick up the weight, send your proposal.

If we're only happy when we win, we'd have to win constantly to live a happy life. What happens if we don't?

When there's joy in the practice, winning is just a bonus.

When is the best time to promote an employee? 

I like to think that there's a sweet spot. The employee has outgrown their current position, but their next role will challenge them in new ways. In the book Atomic Habits, author James Clear highlights a similar concept:

"The Goldilocks Rule states that humans experience peak motivation when working on tasks that are right on the edge of their current abilities. Not too hard. Not too easy. Just right."

It's a manager's job to guide their employees from role to role by giving them the right opportunities and coaching them along the way. 

In that way, the employee needs to have enough exposure to some of the new role's responsibilities and shown they're ready and capable for the challenge. For instance, before promoting a Junior Designer to Designer, they should have opportunities to present their work if that's an expectation of the new role. I'm not suggesting they lead a high-stakes presentation. Instead, maybe they walk through design revisions or take on a portion of a meeting.

Promotions are most successful when the employee feels equipped for the next step, their manager is confident in their ability to take it on, and their co-workers are beginning to see them in the new role.

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Related: Building Teams with TLC

During the summer before my senior year of college, I interned at MOCEAN in LA, designing posters and DVD covers for movies and TV shows. While I was there, I took the opportunity to perform anywhere I could and connect with the local music scene, from a lounge on Hollywood Blvd to a company picnic.

While attending my friend Brittany's birthday party, I met Jeffree Star (pre-Jeffree Star Cosmetics). At the time, Jeffree was focused on music.

Weeks later, I ended up performing for a few friends, along with Jeffree. We got to talking about the music industry and my pursuits as a singer/songwriter. Jeffree asked me what I was doing in LA. After hearing about the internship, he offered me advice: "If you want to do music, don’t have a plan B." In other words, no safety net.

In the moment, this was tough to hear. Now, I look back fondly at this memory because of what it taught me. If I wanted to turn music into a viable career option, I'd have to go all in. That meant de-prioritizing my other passion, design. I could continue writing and performing, but I couldn't expect to "make it" without making it a priority. From then on, I decided that if I can't give a pursuit the energy it deserves, I can't expect to make the progress I desire.

In the end, I chose an alternate path. I returned from LA, continued performing and making music, graduated, moved to NYC for a design job, and as they say, the rest is history. Music is still a part of my life, but for now, it's a side project.

Jeffree's advice still resonates today. While a safety net will always be safer, nothing can replace the drive of going after your vision with everything you've got.

At age 95, we’ll have spent 34,675 days on this earth. Of that, roughly 9,880 will have been Saturdays and Sundays. Living for the weekend is no way to live.

Imagine life without a mirror. Or selfie mode. Or a webcam. Etc.

While we might go about our day just fine, we would feel uneasy, having no insight into our appearance. Mirrors give us information about ourselves that we cannot see on our own.

To get more insight, we would have to rely on those around us, asking a spouse, family member, or roommate for their perspective. Hoping to remove as much subjectivity as possible, we would ask pointed questions and provide clear context.

"Is my hair sticking up? I have a cowlick that is so hard to control."

"Does my face look red? Sometimes my face lotion irritates my skin."

"Should I iron this shirt or think I can get away with the wrinkles on Zoom?"

There is no mirror for our interactions at home, at work, and in life. Short of hiring a 24/7 camera crew, we cannot simply look at a mirror and get insight into whether or not we were a good listener when our friend was going through a tough time or if we sounded confident in our team presentation.

Without a mirror, we need feedback.

If we are lucky, we will receive feedback openly from our peers, family, and friends. However, we often have to seek it out.

Like life without a mirror, it is up to us to ask questions. To uncover the perspective that is impossible for us to get on our own.

Sure, we can live without a mirror. And we can live without feedback. But how can we ever expect to be better without seeing the full picture?

Why do we ask our family and friends to text us when they're home?

When we're not with them, they go about their lives freely. We don't know when they're out or when they'll return. Yet, when we're together, we want to know.

Does it weigh on us to wonder if they got home safely?
Do we ask so we can relieve ourselves of this burden?

When we become aware of something, we get involved. It doesn't matter if we were blind to it before, and it was working just fine. Suddenly, it feels within our purview.

Would our family and friends get home whether we knew or not? Most likely. Our awareness doesn't change the probability.

Maybe, sometimes, it's okay to be simply aware.
Maybe, sometimes, it's okay to wonder.

Maybe, sometimes, we don't need to get involved.

If I had to choose, I'd prefer to succeed in achieving the wrong outcome for a client than to fail in achieving the right outcome.

Wrong outcome success: Designing a landing page focused on the wrong target audience.

Ideal client response: "We appreciate all the thinking that went into this but it's not exactly what we're looking for. Maybe we weren't clear on that, let's make sure we re-calibrate so we're on the same page going forward. Once we're aligned, we're excited to see what you come back with."

Right outcome success: Designing a landing page that poorly represents the brand for the right audience.

Ideal client response: "We're beginning to worry about your ability to do this work for us. While you clearly understand our goals, you really missed the mark. We'll need to discuss feedback and get back to you on next steps."

Wrong outcome success can be turned around with a simple conversation.

With right outcome failure, we have to regain the client's trust while figuring out how to improve the work. Even with feedback, this can be a challenge, especially if we thought we hit it out of the park.

Of course, neither are desirable but we can't always count on right outcome success. We can, however, choose to put our best foot forward. If it doesn't work out, look for the lesson and apply it next time.

Every day, we instinctively brush our teeth, get dressed, eat, use the bathroom, and sleep.

These are our non-negotiables. Our training began at birth, and now every day, we make sure our practice continues. It's essential.

Then, there are the activities that align with our goals: exercise, meditation, reading, eating healthy. We try to build the habit, but when it doesn't stick, we get discouraged. We forget that every habit takes practice.

Imagine who we'd be if we treated our non-negotiables this way. Actually, don't. It's scary.

Instead, imagine who we'd be if our non-negotiables included the habits we know would do us good.

Much better.

In January, I established a new habit around my social media consumption with my iPhone's Downtime setting. Downtime allows you to "restrict" access to specific apps by time limit or time window. While it is easy to bypass the restriction, all notifications get hidden, and the app icons fade on the home screen.

I attempted using Downtime once a couple of years ago. The first time, I restricted access by a time limit. I was unsuccessful. As my time on social media varied each day, the restriction became unpredictable, making it hard to build behavior around.

Drawing on my success with intermittent fasting, I wondered if I'd have more luck setting up a daily "social media fast." Using Downtime, I applied a restriction to any social app from 8 pm to 9:30 am.

I was deliberate about the time window I selected. For one, I knew that I might want to browse Twitter after work at 6 pm. Between working out and getting dinner ready, 2 hours seemed like plenty of time to take a look. I didn't want any distractions in the morning, so I only made room for 15 minutes before the workday gets going around 9:45 am. These days, I wake up, journal, read, get dressed, make coffee, and by the time I sit down to begin my work, I haven't even thought of scrolling through social.

Today marks 99 days of practicing this new habit. It's made me see just how much social used to fill my time. I don't miss it at all, but I do enjoy the balance. It's nice to remain connected without being consumed. When I started on this pursuit, I had a slight fear that I'd miss out on something important. Months later, I've learned that if it's important enough, it finds its way to me.

I recently incorporated a series of questions in my weekly one-on-ones to generate conversation when there's not much on the agenda. A couple of weeks ago, two senior designers chose to answer the question: What is your favorite part of your role? Why is that?

Both designers gave answers along the lines of:

“Autonomy. I love having control over my work and day while also having your support. I know that if I need help, you’ll be there, but otherwise, I can hold my own. I feel like I’ve earned it, and that feels good.”

It felt great to hear this. This sense of autonomy is not a result of me suddenly handing over the keys. It is the culmination of continually working toward a culture where the team has space to make their own decisions while also having the support of their manager or mentor when they need it.

Reflecting on this topic reminded of an excerpt from one of my favorite books, Turn the Ship Around:

"SHORT, EARLY CONVERSATIONS is a mechanism for CONTROL. It is a mechanism for control because the conversations did not consist of me telling them what to do. They were opportunities for the crew to get early feedback on how they were tackling problems. This allowed them to retain control of the solution. These early, quick discussions also provided clarity to the crew about what we wanted to accomplish. Many lasted only thirty seconds, but they saved hours of time."

Autonomy

Confidence = Control

As managers, sometimes we think we create space for "autonomy" by assigning tasks to our team and expecting them to tackle the work independently. This approach does not give the team control if they are merely taking orders. The issue is that the minute they hit a roadblock, they'll return to receive new orders rather than actively working toward a solution on their own.

People feel good working autonomously when they feel in control, and they believe in and understand the work as much as their manager. What contributes to feeling in control? Control is a product of confidence in decision-making.

Knowledge + Feedback = Confidence

We're most confident when we have the knowledge we need and can count on consistent feedback along the way. Without feedback, there's no sure way to know if what we're doing is working or not. When there's a void in feedback, we tend to create narratives about our performance and start to doubt our decisions. That doubt chips away at our confidence, and eventually, the thought of working autonomously can be pretty intimidating.

I always try to give feedback in real-time. For example, I'll make sure to take a few minutes to review feedback right after a big presentation, regardless if it went well or not. Positive feedback reinforces good decisions. Critical feedback teaches us how to make better decisions next time. When feedback about a situation comes after too much time has passed, details get lost, and we may forget why the feedback was even important.

Trust

I know my team will never feel like they have control unless we trust each other. I have to trust that they'll make thoughtful decisions; they have to trust that I'll be there to support them, no matter what happens. Support means giving them constructive feedback, helping them see a situation from different perspectives, and coaching them in their craft.

Below are three methods I've found effective in building a foundation for trust with my team.

1. Continuous coaching. Ongoing one-on-ones are helpful in checking in how on each team member is feeling and maintain a clear line of communication. It's important to go beyond "things are good" and dig deeper to uncover more insights, especially early on. Over time, trust builds and these insights will likely come through more freely. One-on-ones do not replace real-time feedback; they exist to eliminate blind spots and make sure there's always an open channel for support.
2. Responsibilities alignment. I've learned that simply clarifying and re-clarifying responsibilities with team members can go a long way. What are they responsible for, and how do you expect to work with them? Who is in charge of presenting the work? Alignment can even get into more micro-level tasks. Who will be making the final decision on the website's animation? Once there's alignment, it's important not to change course without a conversation. Jumping in to take over a task can quickly erode trust.
3. Vision-setting. Establishing a vision for every project (this does not need to be a formal, lofty statement) helps give the team a guiding light and understand what they're trying to accomplish together. Not only does a vision help make feedback more productive, but it also allows for more thoughtful decision-making and helps everyone feel more in control.

Here are a few posts related to the topics covered in this note:

• Weekly One-on-Ones
• Building Teams with TLC
• BL&T No. 011: Creating a Culture of Leadership
  

Through my experience mentoring designers, I've noticed a tendency to oversimplify a meeting's purpose. We stop at "present website concepts" then focus our preparation on explaining what we've designed as clearly and confidently as we can.

Some meetings go well; others don't. When they don’t, we feel bad. When we don’t know how to improve for next time, we feel even worse. It can be challenging to surface these insights when our only focus was what we were planning to say, missing who we were saying it to or why.

A simple practice I enjoy is taking a few minutes to collect my thoughts on what I expect from a meeting before it takes place. After the meeting, I can revisit my notes, reflecting on how it went and what I’ve learned.

This habit is a powerful tool for not only leading meetings more effectively but feeling better doing so. Below are ten questions to use as a guide:

Pre-Meeting

1. How do I feel heading into the meeting? Do I have the energy to participate fully?
2. What information do I hope to gain today?
3. What questions might the client (or my peers) ask? How will I respond?
4. How do I want the client (or my peers) to feel by the end of our meeting? Me?
5. How will I know this meeting was a success?

Post-Meeting

1. How do I feel right now?
2. What did not go as planned? Why?
3. What went well? Why?
4. Do I have what I need to move forward? If not, how will I capture what I need?
5. On a scale from 1 to 5, rate the success of this meeting. Why this rating?