Self-Perception & A Reminder On Perspective

Borrowed

"Human beings change through study, habit, and stories. Through my story you will learn what the body and mind are capable of when they’re driven to maximum capacity, and how to get there. Because when you’re driven, whatever is in front of you, whether it’s racism, sexism, injuries, divorce, depression, obesity, tragedy, or poverty, becomes fuel for your metamorphosis."

From “Can't Hurt Me” by David Goggins [Book]

Learned

There’s a local gym I visit once a week when I’m training for HYROX because it has the right equipment. With the competition coming up this weekend, I’ve been going regularly for the past several weeks. I drop in between classes, so most of the time, I have the place to myself.

But a few weeks ago, I walked in and saw a guy deadlifting.

My first thought was he looked strong. I wondered what his why might be; what brought him in alone on a Friday? We exchanged the standard head nod and got back to work.

I finished warming up and started deadlifting just as he was wrapping up his last set.

A few sets in, I saw him look over and start to speak. Music was blaring, so I couldn’t make out what he was saying, but I caught something about hamstrings.

Immediately, I thought to myself: great, this guy’s about to correct my form. It was like all the years I’d spent training never happened. I was a senior in high school, on my way to the nurse’s office after blacking out from my hamstrings locking up in gym class. Embarrassing, to say the least.

But when I stepped closer, I realized he wasn’t critiquing—he was asking for help.

Me? For help?

He told me he couldn’t feel his hamstrings during deadlifts—only his lower back, and it hurt. “See?” he said, lifting his shorts to show me his hamstrings. I gave him a few deadlifting tips I picked up during my powerlifting days and shared a couple movements that helped me build hamstring strength.

We got back to training, but every now and then, he’d ask another question. When I moved on to RDLs, I ended up demoing those too.

Eventually, he asked my name. “Let me guess—starts with a J?”

I told him my middle name was Joseph. Solid guess.

His name was Kyle. Same as my best friend. Weird coincidence.

When I got to pull-ups, he remarked on how tough they are. I kept thinking, this guy really likes to talk—and I wasn’t trying to be there all day—but I didn’t mind the conversation.

I asked if he’d heard of Truett Hanes, who recently broke the world record with 10,000 reps in 24 hours—10,001 to be exact. He brought up David Goggins, who originally held the record. I told him how much I got out of Goggins’ memoir, Can't Hurt Me, and said it's worth checking out if he's a fan.

That’s when he told me he’s been going through a rough time and could probably use something like that.

Then, he asked: “What’s the biggest lesson from the book that might help someone like me, know I’m going through something?”

Big question, especially for a book loaded with stories and lessons. I was mid-circuit workout. I told him to give me a few minutes. Barbell thrusters… pull ups… dips…

I caught my breath and told him the part that stuck with me most: it’s not the circumstances we’re in that define our future—it’s how we respond to them. When we stop seeing ourselves as victims, there’s always a way forward, toward growth.

He nodded, but stayed quiet.

A few minutes later, he started laughing to himself. “It’s crazy you said that… right now, this whole thing I’m dealing with—it’s all about me trying to control what I can’t. So crazy you’re here and…” His voice trailed off.

I didn’t know what to say, so I nodded with a half smile.

I went upstairs to finish my workout. When I came back down, he was gone.

That 45-minute interaction has stuck with me.

At first, I thought Kyle was judging me. But he was actually looking for help. I’ve been thinking about how often it’s not how others see us that gets in the way—it’s how we see ourselves.

I feel it sometimes when I’m giving a talk or presentation. I’ll start questioning what I have to offer. Wondering if it’s useful, if it’s valuable. But I’ve learned that what feels small or obvious to me might be exactly what someone else needs. We all have something to offer.

And as for Kyle, it’s a reminder not to judge. You just never know someone’s story or what weight they’re carrying.

There’s a quote I heard recently that comes to mind, something like: “It’s not whether the grass is greener on the other side. The grass is greener where you water it.”

I hope Kyle finds what parts of his life need watering and pushes through.

Thought

Where might the way I see myself be getting in the way of growth and connection?Where am I focused on controlling what I can’t, instead of watering what I already have?