Identity Trap

This post originally appeared in my weekly newsletter, BL&T (Borrowed, Learned, & Thought). Subscribe

Borrowed

“Your identity is fundamentally two things: it’s 1) the story or narrative you have for yourself, and 2) the standards or commitments you hold for yourself… The scientific definition of identity is ‘a well-organized conception of the self, consisting of values and beliefs to which the individual is solidly committed.’”

From "10x Is Easier Than 2x" by Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy [Book]

Learned

I recently heard author Mark Manson, best known for The Art of Not Giving a F*ck, talk about something he called identity flexibility on the Rich Roll podcast, in the context of his weight loss journey. It’s the idea that some people are more open to change because they don’t cling too tightly to a fixed sense of self. They loosely define who they are, making it easier to let go of what no longer serves them and try something new.

He connected it to a concept (known as Anatta) from Buddhism, where the idea of self doesn’t really exist. Instead, Buddhists view the self as a collection of physical and mental processes that are constantly changing. We tend to build our identity over time, stories about who we are and what we do, but in this view, those stories are just constructs. When we cling too tightly, we create unnecessary suffering. Letting go is what makes room for growth.

Growing up, I tried everything from baseball and soccer to art and theater. Somewhere along the way, I found a passion for music, specifically writing and performing. I got good at it, started performing as much as I could, and became known for it among my circle of classmates, friends, family, and so on.

Over time, it became a big part of who I was. And because of that, it was hard to imagine letting it go. But, after graduating with a degree in design and pursuing a job, music became less and less a part of my life. Eventually, I realized that clinging to this "identity" created tension in my life and kept me from exploring other parts of my potential. In many ways, it helped me grow. In different ways, it held me back.

Over the past several years, I’ve gotten better at questioning the parts of my identity that, in the present, feel permanent. At times, this has meant letting go of habits or beliefs about myself. Not because the old version of me was wrong but because it had taken me as far as I needed to go. That willingness to shift has been key to setting new goals and actually moving toward them.

I’ve seen the same thing play out in business.

Companies often start flexible. There’s room to explore and adjust. But it’s easy to get attached once something works, whether a type of client, a specific service, or a piece of positioning. That early success becomes part of the company’s identity. And over time, the openness that fueled growth gave way to rigidity. Eventually, the market shifts, customer needs evolve, and the company can’t keep up. What once worked starts working against them. And in some cases, the business fails, not because they weren’t capable, but because they couldn’t let go.

Barrel has changed a lot over the 12 years I’ve been here. Right now, we’re hyper-focused on helping CPG brands grow. That focus didn’t happen by accident. It came from years of learning where we add the most value, who we work best with, and what kind of work lights us up. But even with that clarity, we have to stay open. The industry keeps evolving. Customer needs shift. If we get too attached to how we’ve always done things, we risk falling behind.

For me, the key has been balancing flexibility with focus. It’s not about chasing shiny objects or constantly reinventing ourselves. It’s about staying clear on our values while continuing to adapt how we show up.

I was thinking about all of this recently while working on our proposal format. While I'm consistently making tweaks and adjusting the structure, it needed a more holistic revamp. When I finally sat down to overhaul it and simplify, I noticed my desire to hold on to certain slides, finding reasons why they needed to be there.

Then, our sales coach, Luke, asked a few simple questions. What do you want this slide to communicate? Why do you put the price upfront? Do you still need this? Suddenly, things I hadn’t questioned in years came into focus. As much as I tried to make changes, parts of the deck’s identity felt fixed. I was unknowingly holding onto ideas that were getting in the way of what I wanted this version to accomplish. Letting go of those opened up a clearer path forward.

Whether it’s a slide, a habit, a belief, or a version of yourself, it’s easy to mistake identity for something fixed. What’s familiar starts to feel like the only way. But identity isn’t something we find; it’s something we build. And when we’re willing to question it, get feedback, and see it for what it is, we give ourselves the chance to rebuild. That’s how we move forward. Personally, professionally, as a business, and as a team.